I have been struggling this entire pregnancy from the lack of support. Sure it could be my roller coaster of hormones that I experience on a daily basis, but I can't help but to feel "less" support than when I was pregnant with Wyatt. Baby number two is quickly approaching 6 months in the womb and every day I am bursting with excitement. Each kick, or flutter warms my heart just thinking that God has blessed us with another child. A girl no less, my little Scarlett. For me, baby #2 is just as exciting because I have a whole new experience to look forward to. How will Wyatt react to her, what will she look like, will I parent the same as I did with Wyatt??? These questions are just a mere glimpse of thoughts that race through my head. I like to plan ahead, as much as I possibly can. I was thinking about who will stay with us after Scarlett gets here. Usually the grandma (my mom) would be the one helping out. So of course that was an instant reminder how alone I really feel. I just want to be able to call my mom and ask her questions about her pregnancies or if I am doing the right things....but I can't. Noah thinks I am crazy and tells me he is there for me but from the minute I wake up until my head hits the pillow at night, I am constantly thinking about these things and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little girl. As soon as she gets here I am sure all my worries will be thrown out the window, but until then I will try to manage my emotions.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Lately I have been feeling super overwhelmed. In all aspects of my life. I tend to bite off more than I can chew and then I am constantly being pulled into different directions. Working two jobs is great for the money, bad for adding stress in finding a sitter and never being home to cook a decent dinner. I am thankful for my two jobs especially when I know people out there that have NO job, however, for me two jobs is a little much. Noah does help out a lot around the house and with taking care of Wyatt and I think I finally understand how much he misses us when he is at work because when I get home I just want to wrap my arms around my boys and never let go. I remember in college we learned about the different aspects of our life, physical, mental and spiritual and how it is important to keep those in balance because when one part is doing poorly, the others will follow suit. I am a prime example of that. It is much like a house of cards, if one falls the whole house comes crashing down. I think my best bet it to make sure I am keeping up with that balancing act. My spiritual life has taken the biggest blow, that is really hard to admit, but it's true. I have noticed that I am not turning to God for everything, even the small things. I am almost "forgetting" for pray because I am blindsided by stress, when really that is the first thing I should be doing! It feels good to openly express my troubles so now that I know what to work on, I can make the changes I need to in order to keep my stress levels in check.