This time...it's different.

I have been struggling this entire pregnancy from the lack of support. Sure it could be my roller coaster of hormones that I experience on a daily basis, but I can't help but to feel "less" support than when I was pregnant with Wyatt. Baby number two is quickly approaching 6 months in the womb and every day I am bursting with excitement. Each kick, or flutter warms my heart just thinking that God has blessed us with another child. A girl no less, my little Scarlett. For me, baby #2 is just as exciting because I have a whole new experience to look forward to. How will Wyatt react to her, what will she look like, will I parent the same as I did with Wyatt??? These questions are just a mere glimpse of thoughts that race through my head. I like to plan ahead, as much as I possibly can. I was thinking about who will stay with us after Scarlett gets here. Usually the grandma (my mom) would be the one helping out. So of course that was an instant reminder how alone I really feel. I just want to be able to call my mom and ask her questions about her pregnancies or if I am doing the right things....but I can't. Noah thinks I am crazy and tells me he is there for me but from the minute I wake up until my head hits the pillow at night, I am constantly thinking about these things and I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little girl. As soon as she gets here I am sure all my worries will be thrown out the window, but until then I will try to manage my emotions.

A husband, a child, two jobs, and a partridge in a pear tree

Lately I have been feeling super overwhelmed. In all aspects of my life. I tend to bite off more than I can chew and then I am constantly being pulled into different directions. Working two jobs is great for the money, bad for adding stress in finding a sitter and never being home to cook a decent dinner. I am thankful for my two jobs especially when I know people out there that have NO job, however, for me two jobs is a little much. Noah does help out a lot around the house and with taking care of Wyatt and I think I finally understand how much he misses us when he is at work because when I get home I just want to wrap my arms around my boys and never let go. I remember in college we learned about the different aspects of our life, physical, mental and spiritual and how it is important to keep those in balance because when one part is doing poorly, the others will follow suit. I am a prime example of that. It is much like a house of cards, if one falls the whole house comes crashing down. I think my best bet it to make sure I am keeping up with that balancing act. My spiritual life has taken the biggest blow, that is really hard to admit, but it's true. I have noticed that I am not turning to God for everything, even the small things. I am almost "forgetting" for pray because I am blindsided by stress, when really that is the first thing I should be doing! It feels good to openly express my troubles so now that I know what to work on, I can make the changes I need to in order to keep my stress levels in check.

Day 1 of Big-Boy-Bed

Well I think it is safe to say that Wyatt is growing up too fast. He is now in a big-boy-bed. Well his crib with just a bed rail on it...aka there is nothing separating him from us! Nap was non-existent today. Let's see how bed time goes :)

When It's Over

Today my Grandpa Mangialardi passed away. I loved as much as my own father because that is how he treated us, like we were ALL his kids. He always put us first and made sure we were taken care of. I am in the "now what" state of mind. When it is over what do you do? I love you Grandpa and I am sure you are in heaven, kicking a soccer ball around. After all, that is what you came to America do to and man am I glad you did!

With Age

I have found the older I am the more I have become opinionated about things. Growing up I was always so sweet and go with the flow, and now if I have a problem with something, you will know! I don't think I am mean, I just want to make sure people know here I stand. I am still the peacemaker and will always apologize if I am wrong, but now that I have a husband and son, I will fight to death to protect my family. I think age, well experience, will do that to people. You live, make mistakes and learn from them. On the way you can help others who have gone through the same thing. In spite of my still-evolving personality, I just hope I am not one of the old people in the nursing home no one wants to be around lol.

Just Breath

Wyatt is such a challenge some days. There are times where he pushes me to my limit and right when I think he couldn't get any worse... he does!!! Those are the times I tell myself "just breath". I have taken care of other people's kids for the majority of my working life and for some strange reason I thought that I would have a perfect obedient child because I would discipline him the "right" way. Well now I understand that some kids just aren't as easy to handle, no matter what sort of discipline they receive. I spank, give him time-outs and yet no more than a minute goes by and he is back doing the same thing that got him in trouble before. Being consistent is the hardest part of being a parent. If I give Wyatt one inch, he will take a mile. What is so perplexing is when Wyatt is making me laugh and just being my precious little boy, I forget how bad he was earlier. I soak in the good times and thank God for the crazy son he has given us.

There's a Place for Us

During this time of year I am reminded of my mom. Her birthday was October 23rd. However, Novemeber 11th 1989 she died at the age of 29. She lost her battle with breast cancer and left behind a husband and four children under the age of 10. I have few memories of my mom but what I lack in memories I make up for with love. It's strange that I can love someone I barely knew and yet I feel as if during those 2 years she was alive she gave me enough love to last a lifetime. Today, my mom is with the Lord and even though I know I will see her when I get to heaven, she wont remember all the time we spent apart or tell me if I made her proud. There are no tears in heaven, no sadness, sickness or time to remember the past. Instead of spending my childhood with my mother, I get to spend eternity with her. Shayna and I have now have matching tattoos in honor of our mom. We love her, we miss her and most of all we pray for a cure for Breast Cancer!!